Dallas, TXMary's abusive husband, Robbie, vowed to make her pay if she left him. She dared escape domestic violence, but due to additional victimization by Child Protection Services (CPS), the police, and her own mother, she lost her 8 year old son.
"After my divorce I moved with my son to a 'safe state', Florida. Robbie followed me there so I had to get a domestic violence protective order and he wasn't allowed within 5 miles of us. He did try to contact me by email and phone on holidays, which I logged and reported to the local police but it wasn't considered severe enough for an investigation."
"For six years in Florida I was happy. I'd gotten married and was living the typical life of barbecues on Sunday and PTA. But stress from the aftermath of that previous abusive marriage and living in constant fear made things difficult and my new husband and I separated. In October 2003, with my family in Texas I figured we'd be all right there for a couple months but that was a fatal mistake."
It didn't take long for Mary's ex-husband to catch up with his prey.
"Just after the holiday season I reported his stalking behavior and calls to the police department of a suburb of Dallas/Fort Worth. On at least eight occasions they said, 'oh that's a Florida order, we're not going to uphold that in Texas'."
"Getting away with minor violations made Robbie bolder. He conspired with my mother to take my son away from me, even though he wasn't his biological father. Together they made allegations against me of mental and emotional abuse, of drug use, and they even claimed I was in a baby-killing cult. When my son was born I cleaned up my life and stopped any drug use. CPS did four different tests and found nothing at all so in mid 2004 I was cleared of all charges of neglect and abuse."
Mary and her son prepared to move back to the safety of Florida. Their nightmare was over... or so they thought.
"In May 2004 my son went to church and never came home. He was abducted. When I reported it the police, they and a CPS agent showed up at my door, not to give me news, but to get me to sign another accusation of abuse from my ex-husband and my mother. I refused. My attorney tabled a motion to have my son immediately released to me but on day the court order was signed, the police came and took me to a mental hospital for 'observation' based on a false affidavit."
"The doctor couldn't find any reason to detain me but during that 24 hours I was in that hospital Robbie, GrandMommy, the police officer and a CPS worker broke into my apartment and stole over $10,000 worth of property including all my home videos and photos of me and my kids, all my legal files and evidence, electronics, medication and even my wedding ring. Even our dog was gone."
Mary's son was placed in a foster home.
"Parents have to do something like take parenting classes, go to rehab or counseling to have a chance at getting their kid back. I did but they said I didn't complete their services just because I chose to get my own counselor, not the one of their choice. They called me uncooperative if I did anything that was against my civil rights but even though one of the case workers wrote that my case wasn't of abuse but of child custody they do retaliate, I hate to say. They ruled against me because I challenged when I knew things weren't being looked into, like my accusation of Robbie molesting children."
"The last time I saw my son was just before Christmas 2004. The case worker arrived without him and said, 'we forgot to bring him'. But that wasn't possible. He's nine years old and he knows when it's Tuesday. The next day, December 22nd, they brought him. He had a black eye, blood on his shirt; he'd been beaten. I never saw him again.
That's when I started my blog almosttuesdays.com which came out of a poem I was commissioned to write for Child Abuse Awareness month. It was all the things my son had said to me during out visits that we shared that no one else knows about."
"When I realized he wasn't coming home I fell apart. I was in such shock. I didn't have an attorney so I represented myself. Fortunately I'm a paralegal so I could write my own pleadings but they were just ignored. My son's name was changed, he lives with GrandMommy and I'm not allowed to talk to him. Then Robbie was jailed in 2006 for child abuse. I'm too tired to fight. How do you find an attorney when those hired by the state to work on behalf of the kids say it's too hard to go up against the system?"
I'm afraid my case is coming to an end. They are terminating my parental rights to my beautiful daughters and it's all because of my lying ex and his mother and my grown daughter who is helping her dad. He promised to destroy me went our separate ways almost 18 years ago and he has tortured me in one way or another ever since. I was remarried to a man who I truly thought loved me until I found out he was molesting my children. I had him arrested immediately and my first ex saw his chance so he teamed up with my oldest and his mom and cps and they lied and said I knew about the abuse and took away all of my children. Now he is dangling them over my head saying if I do as I'm told he will allow me supervised visits with him supervising. He got angry at the last visit because I now have a boyfriend and he made threats toward us. I can't have any kind of life. I live in constant fear always looking over my shoulder and worst of all is the pain of not seeing my kids. Cps lied and helped them every step of the way and so did the crooked States attorney. I know no one can help me but someone has to do something to stop this kind of thing from happening to others
Posted by Cari
I am going through exactly what all of you Moms are dealing with; however, I am dealing with it in NE. I was wondering if we could start an online support group; ie: share stories, share research and collectively try to change the laws and how broken the Juvenile court system is! and figure out a way to
Posted by Aninymos
I'm so sorry for those of you that have endured the pain that no other situation in life can create. I'm not opposed to fathers with custody, but I am opposed to fathers that dismiss the necessity of their children's relationship with their mothers. The mother-child bond is one that nature put in place. Every species reflects this, as the mother often is the caregiver, nurturer, nourisher and in today's age, the provider. There is always the exception, but I'm willing to bet that the iccurance of a truly harmful mother is far far less than the number of mothers treated as such by fathers and sadly the ruling courts, who have no personal involvement or understanding of the scope of manipulation used by fathers who use every deplorable tactic to use a law meant to help sincere dads to be a part of his children's lives.
I weep for all of you. I understand exactly way it feels like to know anyone that has the ability to help dismisses all logic to aid in a game of Chicken Little, waving his arms like he's on fire. In the end, all that's left is tiny glimmer that karma make it true.
I was a stay at home mom. I gave up my career to be at home with them after two of them nearly died from unrelated illness in the same year. I did everything for them. I wasn't perfect, but I did my best without a handbook, friends or family. I was pretty isolated and alone, which kept me from opening my eyes at that time.
My ex is a cop. He befriended Cps, using them to jointly raise allegations and illegal tactics to prevent the basic human right for me to parent my kids. He knows the judges, counsellors, everyone. I never had a chance, as his plan was laid out long before any feelings of something not being right started.
He kept my kids, moving in secret, preventing contact, and created a backdrop of someone that is nothing like me in the minds of anyone with influence. He abandoned me in an a city 4 hours away, tricking me by calling it a time out but was positive, encouraging Even leaving I love you notes in my small suitcase.
One month later I received a text message stating I wouldn't be coming back. He wanted a divorce. He left me 4 hours away. He managed to abandon me with the only person I knew in Texas. It was my mom, who was abusive my entire childhood. That lasted a couple months, during which time I was removed from all accounts, assets, insurance policies etc. without a divorce even pending.
Saddest of all, is that the day he took me to my mothers, I put my kids in the bus like usual. We had explained the time out and that it was going to be a good thing. I said I'd be back before they knew it. But little did I know, I was inevitably lying to them but didn't have a clue as to what his plan was that forced that lie. I often ask if it really counted as lying to them, one of many things he tried to say happened.
My youngest child was 4 months old.
He's allowed me to spend a total of about 40 hours with them spear out over three years of visits. I drive 7 hours for MAYBE 2 hours time with them, as he sits and supervises with intimidation.
i naively thought my faith and belief in God could never waiver a bit, as no test was great enough to question my belief. Now, I have seen the reaches of a mere human who was evil enough to erase any imprint in my mind that God exists. He was my husband and best friend who became a cop and lost every ounce of humanity, compassion and the honesty he once possessed as his best attribute is now a scattering of ash in his empty soul.
I miss my kids so much. It's not over though. I was served 4 days ago and now he wants me to only have supervised time until all are 18. I didn't have it in the original order, but he never obeyed it and has always imposed his own supervision. It has affected the kids, who pick up on his projected false concerns and even they alienate me now.
And now, I too stand with a group of you underneath a painful sign labeled "no reason to breath anymore". I have no more strength to endure this next barrage of lies from a crooked cop who was hiding his affair with a dispatcher at the expense of my relationship with my children, severing the bond that nature knows and has clearly shown to be for the best interest of offspring. The bond between moms and their kids.
Posted by Angela S
I am in the same situation. In desperation I am constantly googling this topic looking for answers. The pain a mother endures because of this is soul wrenching. Makes me want to just die some days. Then you go numb to everything....especially after people say "be strong. Fight for your kids." I only see comments about TX. What about VA? That's where my hell resides.
Posted by Cordale
My ex husband is doing the same thing. He was very abusive. From verbal to physical to sexual -you name it. He was so strung out on drugs. He threatened my life and took off with my daughter last year. They even issued an amber alert. The abuse was so bad the state got involved and took both my kids away and accused me of neglect. He ended jailed for 2 months for kidnapping and domestic violence. Now he seemingly got his act together just long enough to manipulate the courts and he's getting off Scott free of everything. He's fighting for full custody and it's all gonna work out in his favor because his mommy has the $$$ and hired a powerful lawyer. My ex husband wouldn't leave me alone. I was put in protective custody and he still found me and stalked me. The only thing I could do to get away was go out of state. Now he's getting awarded the kids because I discontinued services and left to hide from him. No one wants to listen or believe me that hes nothing but fake. It's all show to get what he wants. He wants me to suffer and make the rest of my life hell. After that he's gonna take off and I'm never gonna see them again. He will bad mouth me and brainwash them. It's heartbreaking and no one will do anything about it. I go most days feeling like I got nothing left to live for. He took everything I had away.
Posted by Petra
My husband took my 3 year okd baby 10 days ago i can't believe that i am writing this, its like stabbing my own heart, he is a drug addict and I finally got away from him, i was supposed to move to Colorado from Florida which he agreed on, his lawyer wrote a proposal on same just few days prior, although we didn't sign it yet, he took our son for a night and never return him, I gotten a lawyer and filled emergency custody and the denied it today i had a proof of him being a drug addict and submitted it along with the motion and still it got denied. I crave my son soo much i have never been kept away from him and i just don't understand this. Yes there is no custody in order but how can this be, i am his mom. They call it not kidnapping but it is. I am heartbroken i cant eat i can't sleep he won't tell me where he is i dont know nothing about our son and nobody can help me. I called police I called dcf and still all they say there is no custody in order we cant do anything.
Posted by Gia
This is nothing new. In fact it's a growing industry funded by Men's Rights Activists groups and FathersRights.gov.
Now, I'm not against fathers what so ever. And these groups might have started out with good intentions regarding children in the midst of divorce. That's who is the most important person to consider.
With the States like Texas and Louisiana. There is a misogynist movement. Its so bad that in Texas a lobbyist trying to pass a bill for Family Law gave it a pretty name, turning legal words meant to change the future of children in all divorce cases. Was so upset the bill did not pass because a female family lawyer knew exactly what this create and was able to have it struck down.
The M.R.A. he is associated with started a campaign against her by making comments on articles regarding the bill, stalking her via the internet.
These men do not have any good intentions for their children. They are generally abusers with a higher income than the ex wife.
The gammit is a punishment.
When it comes down to splitting community property. If no prenup is established they strike up a CPS complaint. Now, the attorneys have them move all money out the accounts, change the locks on the doors. And mother is served at the front door for alleged abuses and not allowed back.
The games are tactical. But in my opinion. These lawyers who have Super lawyer listings are just dirty lawyer's using the child to benefit their client.
In Texas alone there are thousands of these cases. The mother is accused of P.A.S. and the judge (even if the father has a record of molesting the child) gives mother 2 hours supervised visits a week at $150 an hour.
After 7 years of pure hell with losing my daughter, hone, all belongings, my name, my family, my car.
Holidays, birthdays, school.
I now suffer with a major depressive disorder. A mental break after years of fighting to see a child who was being abused by her father.
I have no answers.
The pain for me has stopped my interest in life.
These court proceedings are crooked and cruel.
And NO ONE will do a thing
Posted by Moonlight
I really want to talk to any moms in Texas still not granted visitation.
If you are please look up the Facebook page Texas Non Custodial Mothers.
Posted by jenna
I need advice!! my ex husband has denied me visits, calls, everything for 2 years and before that just making life hell. I don't know my next move,already tapped out on some bs attorney in san Antonio...help????
Posted by Amy Baize
I am about to lose both of my boys thanks to my abusive husband and his sociopath parents please help me.
Posted by mary tyndall
I hear come so many mothers and fathers going threw this mess. Nothing seems to get better. Parents need to get together to fix this very big problem.
Posted by hannah noel
I too am fighting the legal system in Texas. I just recently left a small town in East Texas after my husband abused me for the last time on January 27th 2014. the sheriffs office has been absolutely NO HELP! The officer that responded to the 911 call and made a report, had complete and total disregard for my safety and for my injuries. The detective on the case refuses to answer emails or phone calls as does his superior officer. I am now going up the chain of command until I receive an answer! please please please ladies, do NOT leave until you have a plan in place for your total and complete safety! The police will NOT protect you unless they catch him in the act or you are seriously injured or already dead. do NOT count on the police or sheriffs office. Thank GOD that I have the most amazing friends, whom without, I would never have left. The nurse in the ER also, she was adamant that I go to the local shelter for help and not return home as I was so close to doing. its going to be a long hard battle but I am going to fight it so that another woman isn't victimized by this man. I wont let it happen.
Posted by Linda
Leslie, you are right about Texas ignoring the abused spouse, and helping the abuser in custody matters. My ex son in law stated in front of council and therapist that he had hit my daughter but it made no difference. he said that her current husband hits her and they want to take son away, everyone living at the home has stated that her current spouse has never even made a threat of violence but it made no difference, the abusive ex said the current spouse was abusive and that what counts. I do not understand the family courts to allow self proclaimed abusers to continue with the legal abuse of these women. wish there was a law to protect them, and to allow them to sue for damages they caused (ptsd)
Posted by Leslie Grover
Fifteen years ago my alcoholic abusive husband took my children through the Texas Court System and I was a resident of Oklahoma. He is the "custodial" Parent. I send money every month even though our children do not live with him. I pay for medical even though he is required by law to do so. The State of Texas and the Attorney General of Texas gives abusive men the tools to damage women further. Their family law is unconstitutional and the State of Texas should pay. I pray that all women who have been treated unjustly by Texas Family Courts, come together and sue the The State of Texas under the Federal Constitution. I guess I'll have to do it because nobody else will.
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