Totally Tortelicious Archive
Riddle: When is your Sugar Daddy your Daddy, too?
February 6th, 2012. By AbiK
“Sugar Daddy – noun; a well-to-do usually older man who supports or spends lavishly on a mistress, girlfriend, or boyfriend.”
As per Merriam-Webster. And as in, “She’s on the lookout for a new sugar daddy.” That’s the definition—so see if the shoe fits as you read on, then try to answer the riddle: When is your Sugar Daddy your Daddy, too?…
Aside from the natural questions that arise from such an arrangement (e.g., Is Goodman technically romantically involved with his child? Can he be charged with incest should he now have “sexual relations” with Hutchins? Would his biological children be aunts or uncles to any child he might have with Hutchins? If Carroll Goodman (John’s ex-wife) has a birthday party for her son or daughter—will she feel an odd obligation to invite their new sister?), one can’t help but raise a suspicious eyebrow as to the motive here. Why—WHY?—would a man of seemingly healthy mind—allegations of cocaine use aside—want to adopt his 42-year old girlfriend? And, of course, that leads us to the backstory…
In 2010, Goodman was in a car accident for which was he charged with DUI—or more specifically, DUI manslaughter, vehicular homicide and leaving the scene of an accident. The manslaughter and homicide parts come from the nature of the accident—Goodman allegedly blew through a stop sign and ran into another car. Scott Patrick Wilson was in that other car and he tragically lost his life as a result. (Wilson’s parents have filed a civil suit).
Goodman goes to trial on March 6 for those criminal charges—and he stands to get up to 30 years in prison if he’s convicted. The civil trial is set for March 27.
But a funny thing happened on the way to the trial: Goodman adopted a daughter!
Yes—Five…months…before…his…trial. Raise that eyebrow and turn your glance to the money trail.
It’s a little tricky, but Goodman had apparently set up a trust for his two minor children. If the Wilson’s were to win their civil suit, they would not be able to touch the money in the trust. But Goodman could lose a substantial amount of money he has that’s not in trust—and if so, he’d be unable to touch the money that’s in trust for his kids because that money is reportedly tied up until the kids are 35 years of age.
Ahh…but if he adopts a 42-year old—since she’s over 35—and she goes on the trust as well, then she can access one-third of that money which would mean HE can access that money, too! “Genius!” he must’ve thought. (Wonder if he thought about how much he might be pissing off his real kids once they get a drift of the situation…)
And that’s what has the legal world abuzz right now—is this a surefire move to ‘beat the system’? Will it work? Will the adoption hold up in court as legit?
And does it even matter given that the court of public opinion has basically already lambasted Goodman and his apparently integrity-lacking girlfriend? If it was a ‘genious’ legal move—which has yet to be seen—it was a disastrous PR move—a young man dead as a result of alleged DUI, two young children pulled into some weird financial and familial threesome…
It’s a riddle for sure. But the answer to “When is your Sugar Daddy your Daddy, too?” is…
Clearly, when it’s John Goodman.
Erectile Pump Scam Makes a Winner a Loser
November 21st, 2011. By AbiK
What would you call someone—within reason, of course—who runs a scam that allows him to buy cheap sex devices aimed at enhancing certain private parts, and then resells them to unwitting customers who’ve been diagnosed with bladder control or urinary flow issues, arthritis or diabetes—and then charges the hell out of Medicare for it?
Now, I know there are a few of you out there who are thinking—not out loud—”Ha! That’s genius!”
Most of us, however, would be thinking: low-life, good-for-nothing…LOSER.
Ironically, the idiot who masterminded this one is named Winner—Gary Winner. Can’t make this stuff up.
Winner it appears found some penis enlargers on an “adult” website and that must’ve been when his light-bulb moment occurred. No comment on just why Winner was scanning the, a-hem, self-help sections on sex toy websites—though my thoughts are rife with conjecture.
Regardless, according to a cbsnews.com report, Winner found a beauty of a device for $26 and he bought a whole bunch of them. He renamed them—after all, don’t want Medicare batting an eye with this one—”erectile pumps” and went as far as to repackage them (I have visions of him shrink-wrapping penis enlargers with a blow dryer—but perhaps I’m letting my imagination go too far here).
So Winner touted the would-be erectile pumps as being able to increase blood flow to the urinary tract and prostate with regular use. Uh-huh. I’m surprised he didn’t claim they cured Propecia E.D. as well…
But how’d he manage to bilk Medicare?
Obviously, in order to make the sales, Winner had to target Medicare beneficiaries and, lucky for him, he just happened to have access to such information via his medical device company, Planned Eldercare. Once he cajoled patients into providing their Medicare info by offering free medical equipment (swag for the ill!), he then turned around and billed Medicare $284 for each “pump”.
As Medicare coverage includes reimbursement for products treating organic impotence and erectile dysfunction (who knew?), all Winner had to do was claim the erectile pumps treated erectile dysfunction. Medicare also requires a prescription from a physician, and that may be where Winner ultimately forced a red flag or two. Read on…
$284 may not sound all too huge, but it apparently added up to some $370,305. Not too shabby. Unless you get caught. Which he did.
So Winner, who’s also answering charges of having bilked Medicare out of another $1.8 million for some “arthritic packages” (cbsnews.com) he claims Medicare beneficiaries and their doctors had ordered, is now up a creek without a paddle—or a pump of any sort.
Winner’s agreed to give up $2.2 million and he’s facing up to 33 years in prison along with $760,000 in fines. His sentencing will be on February 10, 2012.
Update: Facebook Romance Lawsuit dismissed…more to come…
August 26th, 2011. By AbiK
For anyone who was wondering what ever happened with that Cheryl Gray and Wylie Iwan Facebook romance lawsuit–the one where they met playing Mafia Wars and after a few months he facedumped her and she sued–this was the update as reported by wxyz.com…
6 Worst Getaway Plans of the Week
May 2nd, 2011. By LucyC
Shoulda Gone with the Skinny Jeans…There’s a reason burglars wear tight-fitting clothing. A would-be convenience store robber in Florida was recently brought down by his own trousers. Talk about wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently he had just shoplifted two cases of beer from a convenience store in Lake Wales, FL, and was running across the parking lot when he tripped and fell-doing a face plant and losing his pants at the same time. Well, we all know how difficult it can be to find your feet in that type of a situation. But find his feet he did, and he eventually made it to his car, which, by the way, didn’t have a licence plate. As he took off in his clearly distinguishable Chevy Malibu, leaking cans of Bud Lite could be seen escaping from it. Talk about drama! Apparently the video of the crime is a bit of a hit with the Polk County Sheriff’s office.
Out of the Frying Pan and into the Fire—the direct line of fire that is. This would-be bully couldn’t have had worse luck. A man in Joliet, IL, was fleeing the scene of a crime only to run straight into a police convention.
No kidding. The man was trying to escape police who were after him because his girlfriend claimed he had punched her. He fled, on foot, into a nearby park where some 30 Joliet police officers were attending a seminar on “being prepared for any situation.”
You have to love the serendipity.
Take me to your Leader…err, Owner? Here’s another eerie tale of serendipity. A man in Lincoln, Nebraska was attempting to steal a one of a kind car stereo but didn’t make out so well. After he liberated the stereo from the rightful owner’s car, he went to a sound shop to buy equipment needed to install the stereo system in his own car.
But—you knew there had to be a “but.” But, the man who managed the store was the owner of the sound system. Bingo—you’re busted!
This fellow was arrested for larceny—even though he returned the lawn mower. Go figure.
Early Mother’s Day Gift? A resident of East Lyme, CT, allegedly stole a lawn mower from the local Read the rest of this entry »
Sears Lawsuit: DieHard Confused with Sex Delay Spray?
April 18th, 2011. By LucyC
- The Sex Spray…
900 Cold Cranking Amps in your Crotch? Question: What do a car battery marketed by Sears and a male numbing agent have in common? Answer: A name. Well, not just any name—the name Die Hard—or is that DieHard? You know—as in the Bruce Willis movies.
And why is this relevant to you? It’s not—necessarily. But Sears Roebuck and Co, thinks it could be. In fact, they think the similarity in names could be confusing—and that you may have difficulty in telling the respective products apart. Just to be clear—those products are a car battery and a “numbing agent for male genitalia.”
So, Sears, and its subsidiary KCD—the company that owns the name DIEHARD, are suing RockHard—the makers of Die Hard—over the matter.
The federal suit, filed last week in Chicago, reportedly states that RockHard Laboratories’ Die Hard product is “calculated to deceive the consuming public into believing that defendants’ products have a relationship with plaintiffs and plaintiffs’ goods and services.”
- The Battery. Separated at Birth?
According to a report on WLS 890AM—the suit states that “the defendants’ conduct is likely to cause confusion, mistake, and deception of the purchasing public insofar as purchasers would incorrectly be led to believe
that defendants are affiliated with, related to, sponsored by or connected with plaintiffs,” the suit argues.
OK. I give up. What possible benefit could there be in that for the defendants? What thinking person is seriously likely to believe that strapping a car battery to his backside is going to improve his sexual performance? Or, that KCD/DIEHARD, under which Sears sells the batteries, auto parts, hats and boots—is seriously likely to branch out into male sexual enhancement products? Maybe there’s a role for the hats and boots—but as for the rest of it—I think that’s a bit of a stretch (pardon the pun).
But hey, what do I know.
As for RockHard, it has apparently been marketing the Die Hard ‘numbing agent’ since 2010. Just as an aside, I’d be rethinking the name—lawsuit or not. It hardly invokes confidence. Think about it.
Apparently, RockHard Laboratories stands accused of not one, not two—but eight federal crimes, including trademark infringement, unfair competition and deceptive trade practices. Sounds like RockHard is about to get stiffed.
Once Bitten Twice Robbing? A 33-year old man who was arrested in Glendale after biting a police dog—who he claims bit him—is now suing the police, alleging that the dog violated his civil rights, and used excessive force to capture him. Okee dokee.
Erin Sullivan, the dog biter, was attempting to escape the police during a burglary investigation in Glendale, when, I’m guessing, the dog took control of the situation. Of course the fact that Sullivan was breaking the law by committing a robbery seems to have escaped him. The police claim that Sullivan injured the dog when he bit the pooch.
The lawsuit reportedly names the cities of Phoenix and Glendale and four officers as defendants. Sullivan was apparently hoping to get $200,000 from Glendale and $250,000 from Phoenix. Sounds like the robbery is still in progress, even though Sullivan is currently serving an eight year sentence for the physical crime.
Purse Snatcher Can’t Get Away, Calls 911. So, who should you call if you find yourself in a bit of a jam—being chased by an irate woman whose purse you just snatched, and an eyewitness driving a snow plow? Why, 911. Of course.
Eighteen year-old Cody Bragg was recently sentenced to nine years in prison for the purse snatching. He had grabbed the purse from a woman in a parking lot outside Wal-Mart in Alliance, Ohio. But he clearly got more than he bargained for and called 911—telling the dispatcher “There is this guy in a snow plow that is following me, and, uh, he’s scaring me.”
I think it’s only a matter of time before there’s an App for 911.
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