Totally Tortelicious Archive
Take the Wheel, I have to Shave! and other Tortelicious gems…
March 9th, 2010. By LucyC
Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal items making news. Goodness knows there’s no shortage of them. 
This one was a real close shave (and a very bad pun). A young woman in Florida, who was driving through the Keys to meet her boyfriend, decided she need to shave her bikini line en-route. I mean who has time to pull over these days? Seriously. 
Not surprisingly, she caused a car crash.
Wait—it get’s weirder. (What is it about Florida?)
The 37-year old handed the wheel of the car to her ex husband—who was not in the driver’s seat—both figuratively and literally. After piling into some poor guy who had slowed down to make a turn, she keeps her foot on the gas—clearly focused on her destination—and drove another half mile down the road where she stopped and swapped seats with her ex-husband so it looked like he was the one who had been driving.
My question is why didn’t she just get her ex-husband to drive her all the way there? As it turns out, she should not have been driving in the first place. The day before the accident, she had been convicted and sentenced to nine months of probation for DUI and driving with a suspended license. Her license was revoked for five years and she was ordered to get her car impounded.
You know, you couldn’t make this stuff up, even if you wanted to.
Talk about getting off to a roaring start. According to New England police, newlywed 22-year-old Marissa
Blimpie’s, Seagram’s and the IKEA Kitchen: Tortelicious Goes Foodie
March 4th, 2010. By LucyC
Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre lawsuits making news. Goodness knows there’s no shortage of them.
C’mon, You Call that Stacked?
So here’s a skill-testing question—when is not enough simply too much?
The answe
r—when you’re not getting what you paid for. At least that’s how a couple of folks from Illinois see it, so they’re suing Blimpie.
Yes, Blimpie is being sued for fraud over its Super Stacked subs. The rub? The sandwiches don’t contain the amount of meat they’re supposed to. The suit is based on nutritional information, apparently. Here’s the math: a regular 12 inch Blimpie Best has 50 grams of protein, but a 12 inch “Super Stacked,” which is advertised to have double the meat, has only 73 grams of protein—that’s if you only count the meat.
If you count the cheese (the kind you eat), there’s 10 grams of protein (based on a d
ouble serving) but, I guess that’s just not the same if you’re a meat lover.
It’s the first time I’ve heard of a super stacked failing to satisfy…
Puhlease…That Kitchen is so Off-the-Rack. It appears that, contrary to real estate’s golden rule #1, not all kitchen renovations can add value to your property, and in some cases may even land you in court. Last week a “wealthy Icelandic couple” was sued for installing an “ugly kitchen” in their up-market rental apartment at the Gramercy Park Hotel in Manhattan. Guess what—it was an Ikea kitchen…oops. Time to cringe: they even have how-to-install vid’s on youtube—ouch!
I was under the impression that ‘ugly’ and ‘attractive’ and all esoteric values in between were strictly a matter of individual taste—beauty is in the eye and all that. But no, apparently not.
At least not according to the kitchen Nazis—or would they be design Nazis? The lawsuit reportedly claims the kitchen was unsuitable for such a luxurious home. What does that mean? Laminate was used instead of stone? MDF instead of Mahogany? $30k instead of $150K?
I guess the courts will have to define “unsuitable for such a luxurious home,” unless of course the ad men for Ikea can beat them to it…my money is on the ad men.
Ok…Who’s been Slingin’ back the Seagram’s with the Psychic? And continuing on in the ’spirit’ of the bizarre…The heiresses to the Seagram liquor fortune, Clare and Sara Bronfman, filed suit against their former financial planner recently, over allegations that she divulged their personal financial information and other confidential information to lawyers and media outlets, as a retaliatory act. Thing is, the financial planner apparently obtained most of the information from a psychic.
The obvious question is, how competent was this financial planner if she had to go to a psychic to find out what was going on with her clients? Or, who’s been blabbing about their finances to the psychic in the first place? Hell, I’m all for psychics, but seriously, is this one that good? I’m thinking all these folks have consumed a little too much of the house kool-aid.
Totally Tortelicious: 3 Years of Going Bananas…and then some
February 24th, 2010. By LucyC
Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news. Goodness knows there’s no shortage of them. 
Neighbors goin’ Bananas… Brighton, UK: Amanda Millard was recently convicted, by UK magistrates, of breaching a noise abatement notice, for playing the theme from the cartoon series the Banana Splits so loudly it could be heard a block away. And, she did this for three—yes three—years. Ohmygod. Pass the sedatives. Have you heard the theme from the Banana Splits? Here’s your chance…
The neighbors had complained to the appropriate authorities, which I feel, showed remarkable restraint on their part. (The more appealing options are all illegal). And Millard was subsequently warned by letter to keep it down. She gave into silence for a little while, but soon returned to her bad habits. This time, however, she varied the repertoire slightly by adding The Animals’ “House of the Rising Sun” and Bob Marley’s “Buffalo Soldier”—all played at full volume of course.
In her defense, she reportedly argued that her stereo wasn’t of good enough quality to generate
Servin’ up Heart Attacks…it’s Tortelicious if not Delicious
February 16th, 2010. By LucyC
Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre leg
al stories making news. Goodness knows there’s no shortage of them.
The Battle of the Burgers.
Ok, this is pretty sick—literally. According to a report in the media, a rather bizarre lawsuit has been filed by a hamburger joint in Arizona—the Heart Attack Grill—against a burger joint in Delray Beach, FL, called Heart Stoppers Grill, claiming that Heart Stoppers stole the idea for promoting and selling its deadly dishes from the Heart Attack Grill. Well, I suppose anything’s possible.
The names of the menu items are remarkably similar with the Heart Attack Grill offering the Triple Bypass Burger and Jolt Cola (I could use one of those about now), and Heart Stoppers selling the Heart Stopper Burger and Chili Chest Pain Fries. Heart Stoppers apparently promises free food to any patron who weighs over 350lbs. Yeah—that’s smart. Not. What happens when some person does end up having a heart attack after eating a meal there and sues the restaurant?
Maybe one of these guys should open up a Salad Loop next door—you know—diversify…
Mistaken Identity—That’s Mistaken Spelt with an “A”…
Christina Fourhorn of Sterling, CO, ended up spending several days in jail until her husband could raise $3,500 to bail her out. Her crime? Those unpaid parking tickets? Nope. In fact, her arrest actually had nothing to do with her
Tortelicious: Officer Questions Sunglasses, Finds Missing Pants
February 9th, 2010. By LucyC
Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news. Goodness knows there’s no shortage of them.
Shotgun Poser Gets Ticket to Ride? You know those High Occupancy Vehicle (HOV) lanes—the lanes on the freeway with a bold diamond symbol posted on them, that no one is allowed to use unless they are ‘carpooling’, i.e. carrying more than one person in the car? Well, a 61-year old New Yorker, who must have been pretty fed up with sitting in traffic by herself, was recently fined $135 for using a mannequin as her ‘plus one’.
Apparently, everything went according to plan until one rather savvy Sherriff’s deputy spotted the ‘passenger’ wearing sunglasses and using the visor on a very overcast day. Umm. When he stopped the vehicle, he found Dolly in the passenger seat, smartly dressed in a blazer, shirt and scarf, with long flowing tresses—all set for her day at the office.
The driver was given a summons and, in addition to a fine, she could be given two points on her license. So you have to wonder who the real dummy is here. (bad pun, I know).
Installing Fraudband Service…Internet and wireless fees are a favorite rant for just about everyone these days. But I’m willing to bet most of us would be hard pressed to beat this quote. A couple in Cumbria, Wales, got an estimate from British Telecom—otherwise known as BT—for
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