Abuse is Abuse, Regardless of Gender

January 14th, 2010. By Hunter West

In late 2009 an upscale New York restaurant was hit with a lawsuit by the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) for alleged harassment against male employees by other male employees. The alleged abuse includes attempts to grab buttocks and genitals, pushing one’s body against another in a sexually suggestive fashion and the verbalization of crude, lewd and obscene comments. 

In Arizona, another EEOC lawsuit charged that male employees in the kitchen at a food preparation facility abused other male employees—including allegations of simulated rape. That incident resulted in the payout of a settlement benefitting the allegedly harassed workers.

It used to be that harassment was all about abuse against women—which is serious, of course. But equally serious is abuse against men. And it’s about time. 

Abuse, is abuse regardless of which gender is involved. And it’s a relief to see that men are now having the balls to admit to being harassed, either by male or female and are standing up for their rights. 

Thus, the courts should reflect just what is going on out there. And what is going on out there, along with harassment against women, is harassment against men. 

Face it, men have been abused for years. But the man never came forward. Doing so would be ‘unmanly,’ an embarrassment. Especially if the abuse came at the hands of a woman. 

It happens. A lot. This writer knows of one man whose first wife was a classic manic-depressive. While her behavior was rooted in a pre-existing condition that was treatable (but the patient chose not to treat it), the fact remained that she physically abused her husband on a regular basis. The man never laid a hand on her, and while there were heated arguments he was never verbally abusive. But she was. Physically, too. She even stabbed him once, with a kitchen knife, drawing blood and leaving a gash. 

He never complained, or brought her up on charges. 

Sadly, there are still lots of instances where the stronger man will gang up and abuse, either verbally or physically, the woman. It’s sad that there is a need for so many shelters for abused women and their kids. 

But men get abused, too. And in this day and age the stereotype of the big, strong male taking physical advantage of a weaker female no longer applies. The world is full of strong women—strong in mind, body, career, and station in life. They go to the gym, work out, maintain their fitness. They know how to defend themselves. By equal measure, there are many men who do not fit the stereotype of the strong, manly, virile ‘man.’ When a strong, fit female conflicts with a small, weak man—who wins? 

The point is that abuse is wrong—by anybody, against anybody. Gender, really, matters little. And regardless of whether that harassment is sexual in nature, physical, verbal, or rooted in race or religion, there should be no room for it in a modern, mature, morally balanced and democratic society. 

Women abusing women. Women abusing men. Men abusing women. Men abusing men. 

It’s all wrong. 

A few of the more recent lawsuits appear to be suggesting that the message is sinking in and abuse of any kind will not be tolerated. 

Regardless of to whom, in terms of gender, that abuse in directed.

Tags: Abuse, Sexual Harassment

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